i have forgotten the meaning of existence

Right now, you could find me in my kitchen, writing in my second language trying to figure out where it went all wrong. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have never ever actually known what is the meaning of existence.

However, I have been lately questioning things that if I had before, I might have completely forgotten about it. For example, why have I been believing my whole time that the concept of the universe made any sense, at all? It just consists of a void where there’s some kind of matter and for whatever reason, that matter attracts itself and creates planets, systems, galaxies… which are attracted also between them, and in one of those planets humans happen to exist and live, whatever that means. In all honesty, that could simply be the plot of a really bad american action movie. And we are okay with it?

There are people that have been looking for answers and found them in religions, but in all honesty, not doubting if God’s real, or if it isn’t, that just makes even less sense. How do you pretend me, a stupid mortal to be able to contemplate the existence of someone so powerful and almighty… I’m sure that is impossible for my human brain.

What am I, even? Do I really exist? Descartes said that the only certain thing was that I exist, because I think, and I know that’s real for sure. But what does that mean? What means to exist? Do I really die? Does death exist? I am asking these questions so I might exist… But do you exist? I cannot be certain of your existence. Or do I? But anyway, what would that mean. Existence.

WHAT IS EXISTENCE.